Life is a big combination of everything. Joy and depression, and
everything in between.
My world has swung to the latter of those
recently.
And there's nothing we can do about that.
Circumstances change. Without our consent, control, understanding.
And I'm supposed to sit here and say, but
I'm doing ok. I'm supposed to be happy and alight. With a smile on my face.
But I think if yoga and meditation teach
us anything, it's that we must acknowledge the present moment.
And true, in yoga, it can be said you
haven't found the pose if you can't smile in it.
And yoga is life.
But many of us just aren't that far along
our spiritual path to smile at the chaos that comes.
Sometimes, we just want to curl up on the
floor. Sometimes we just need to break. And be broken.
And learn that it's ok to break.
We are taught how to celebrate and be
joyful, but our society is oddly silent on how to grieve, on how to accept the
darkness that comes and goes.
How do we help a friend in need? Our first
instinct is to try to fix it. But darkness can't be fixed, necessarily,
especially by an outside person.
So, what do we do? We step away. We give
them space, to deal more painfully with that situation, bearing the full burden
themselves.
At the same time, these voices ring
through our own head, as we're not taught how to deal with depression and
sadness and pain. "Just get over it." "Pull yourself
together." "Why can't you just feel better?"
The harshest attacks always come from
within.
Yet, what we need most, is to simply be
with that pain. Not to hide from it. Not to stifle it.
No.
We cannot deal with an emotional trouble
with our intellect.
We need to say to ourselves, yes I am in
pain. Yes, I am feeling great sadness. How does this feel? What am I learning
about myself and my reactions?
We need to cry. To feel that pain fully.
Practicing nonjudgement on ourselves is an
incredibly difficult task. Even the greatest sages have had doubts and
difficulties with this step. But if we can work towards it, we can learn to let
emotions due their job and move on.
I'm a long way from that goal. The way
feels like I lose more ground than I am gaining.
Someday, though, I will look back,
realizing I have gone many miles and have entered a new situation. Perhaps
then, these tools will have proved helpful, and will be yet more helpful the
next time the darkness drifts through.
Perhaps by seeing the shadows, we can
eventually look toward the sources that cast them, seeing the light even in
those pained spaces.
I'll let you know if I get there.
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